Life through the eyes of a really bad Retribution Paladin



STBW has an interesting way of letting it be known that I’ve been playing too long. It’s sharp, to the point and generally quite painful.

In her defence, STBW is not one of those partners who tries to control my computer use. If you were to rate her on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of maintenance, with 1 being complete apathy to your existence and 10 being a fire-breathing, buy-me-a-dozen-roses-and-tell-me-you-love-me-five-times-a-day-even-though-we-met-two-days-ago person, she’d come in at about a 3. I’ve been in relationships with women who would have come in at an 8 or 9 and I wish them all the luck in the world to eventually find some kind of happiness with someone who is not a clone of themselves. To make matters worse, Miss Number 8 will be in my life for the next twelve years…

In Australia, the colloquial term for an individual like Miss Number 8 is a “Four and Twenty” (named after a popular brand of meat pie). It means, “Four minutes of fun – twenty years of pain!”.

The Scene

Ruby Sanctum, my former guild’s second attempt. We’ve spent two hours clearing trash because although everyone has stated that they watched the Tankspot videos, only the three or four people who came to the guild first the previous week seem to know what to do. I’ve had some fun at the expense of a new Death Knight DPS recruit who had never set foot in this encounter (remember me saying a few posts ago that I am evil).

The Death Knight races through the middle of the instance, where Halion will appear.

ME: “Stop!”

DK: Screaming to halt. “Wait? What?”

ME: “If you don’t do exactly as I tell you, you’ll trip Halion’s heroic mode and we’ll be stuck with that for the rest of the lockout”

DK: Swears. “Okay, what do I do?”

ME: “You jump, to the left”

Still mounted, the DK jumps to his left.

RL: Immediately taking my cue. “And then you step to the right”

DK: “Err… Okay”. He moves his character a step to his right.

ME: “Now put your hands on your hips”

DK: “What’s the emote for that?”

RL: “Now bring your knees in tight”

DK: “Huh?”

WHOLE RAID: “Let’s do the time warp agaaaaaain!”

DK: “Oh you bastards”

Everyone’s having a great laugh at that point, including the new Death knight. Unbeknown to myself however, Destruction is stalking the halls at the House of Muh. Mid-guffaw, Vent is shattered by a Banshee-like howl which sounds suspiciously like:

Followed by a grunt and a crash.

I made a few discoveries between STBW’s foot connecting with my side and the floor rushing up to meet me:

  1. She has a mean kick on her
  2. It’s 1AM and STBW starts work at 8AM
  3. I woke her up

I think Karma has a way of working even over thousands of kilometres…



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